Feels like home
by Little-Firestar84
Summary: Inspired by 6.9 spoilers: "She is professional, and yet she feels like home and Christmas and family all put together, and for a moment he feels like the day he met her twelve years before. And yet, here they are, older, not wiser and still busy solving crimes."


FBI Special Agent Kimberly Fisher ("_Please, call me Kim", she said the first day with a smile, blushing like she was a little girl) _immediately took his eye (_she is brunette- but after all, South America is filled with them, and he had his good share of brunette lovers in the last two years) _, and he knows without a second thought that she feels the same as well (_he knows he is an handsome man, and he knows how to sue at his own advantage)._

He sleeps with her on her last day in town, without considering if and when he'll see her again (_she does)_, not until her boss, Abbott, shows up and offers him a full pardon and a new job. He it's not like he wants to accept it, but Abbott found him there, and if he escapes, there's a good chance they'll meet again, sooner or later.

Maybe California _and _law enforcement are better than living all his life as a fugitive.

_(And besides, the sex with Kim has been rather pleasant)._

* * *

He didn't keep in contact during the last two years, and as soon as he walks through the office's door, he feels like he should have. A part of his old team is there- but just a fraction of his old family, and he can feels the air is definitely different from two years before.

(_Somehow, he knows it's all his fault- he broke them. All of them.)_

Cho and Rigsby are still working together, but there is no trace of Grace. On Wayne's ring, there is still a wedding band, but one glance tells him it's not the same one. He wonders if it's why Cho is quite so cold with his former best friend. He wonders if Wayne cheated on Grace- but then, he dismisses the idea. (_He is too frail, too scared. Too helpless.)_

His old couch is in a little corner, and Kim, taking him for an arm, guides him there (_like he was blind again. Like Lisbon did that day. Teresa_.). She sits on a close desk, and he feels her eyeing him, and it's not so hard to understand that either she hopes he came back for her (_he didn't_) or she is trying to talk him into having a repeating performance- _many _of them, if possible (_he isn't opposite-besides, it's not like he has anything better to do in his free time than sleeping with her)._

There is no trace of Lisbon (_and he doesn't know how he feels about it)._

* * *

He's been two months in, and Cho keeps being old, trusted Cho (_Jane can sweat that_ _the Korean hates him, though) _with his silences and his poker faces, and there is nothing he gets from him. _Kim _fills him in on a few things, but she doesn't know all the details (_she doesn't trust his old team, doesn't like them. She does what Abbott tells her to do)_ and he discovers that she doesn't know a single thing about Cho, and that Rigsby divorced a couple of years before and he recently remarried (_a picture on the desk tells him his bride is Sarah, and the feeling in his guts tells him it's his fault of he and Grace broke up). _She barely acknowledge Teresa Lisbon's existence in the world, and it somehow pisses him off (_so much he takes rain checks on her for two weeks- doesn't matter how much he misses the sex)._

* * *

A group of eco-terrorists tries to kill one of California's senators, and he is asked to consult on the case; he follows the team out of State when they gets a lead from a local sheriff few days afterward, and he is impressed when they tell him she had already tried to get the FBI on the matter but that they didn't listen to her (_yes, he is also intrigued by the fact it's a woman. It's thrilling and exiting-he loves women in control and in positions of power)._

They arrive at the sheriff's office, and are greeted by none others than Teresa Lisbon herself; he shivers when she _(only)_ shakes his hand and says (_only )_ his surname nodding, like they had barely knew each other before. She is professional, and yet warm and sure (_she feels like home and Christmas and family all put together) _and for a moment he feels like the day he met her twelve years before. And yet, here they are, older (_but not wiser-not him, at least) _and still busy solving crimes.

They solve the case quickly (_mostly, thanks to her) _and before leaving, he overhears Abbott trying to get her on the job; she smiles, blushing (_but it's honest, not like Kim's fake flattered expression) _and tells him she said no already- but who knows, maybe this time she'll consider the offer. Kim looks at the scene rather annoyed, at crossed arms, like almost disgusted at the idea of her boss appreciated the job of another (_lady) _cop, then she tells him she refused the first job offer they made shortly after they took him in.

(_He feels like a part of him- the one she helped build- is dying, like she refused him and abandoned him. It doesn't matter if he deserves it, but apparently he betrayed her one time too many.)_

* * *

At the end she takes the job, but she doesn't make a big deal about it. She doesn't call him or the rest of the team to make some big declaration, she just shows up one morning and stays (_she chooses a desk where she can give him her back, and he wonders if she does on purpose or it is her subconscious)._ A part of him is mad with her because she hasn't been trying to reach out for him, (_ it's irrational, but it doesn't matter) _so he does the only thing he knows how to do at his best: he tries to hurt her, showing her how much he wants Kim- and that they are indeed physical in their relationship. But Teresa Lisbon doesn't seem to be moved by his display of affection for his girlfriend/lover, and it makes him only madder and madder knowing that she is glad he moved on (_she told him to do so many years before. Now, she knows she had been right all along. He hates to admit it)_. He is thinking about having sex at the office late at night just to be spotted by Lisbon, but then he thinks against it (_he is in for the fun- he doesn't want for Kim to think he finds her irresistible, or something like that)_ and decides that, maybe, being cold could work better.

And in fact, it does: Teresa stops acting like "nice and caring Lisbon who is happy for you" and is hurt (_by him, again and again and again. He shouldn't be proud of this, but he is. )._ And he wonders where this dark desire comes from.

(_Some things can't be fixed. He is just one of them.)_

* * *

They are working a case in Los Angeles when, walking down the street (_she is a foot-soldier again) _they hear a male voice calling "Teresa"; they turn, and her smile is huge when she recognizes Greg, running toward her with a matching expression (_he is too happy to see his ex for a married man- it irks Jane, even if, when he was married to Angela, he did the same. He still does, even now that he "is" with Kim.). _They talk, and he doesn't move from the spot, but, instead of irritating the man, they barely see him standing there (_he is thinking about calling Kim and make out there and then just to get a reaction out of them)._

Greg tells her she finally looks happy, and she tells him she does, and her smile is big and bright, it's like she is shining (_and he feels like dying, because maybe, just maybe, it's because she doesn't love him any longer)._

* * *

The unit's nights out and the poker games are always less and less, as each of them has their own life getting in the way and taking priority: Rigsby has a son and a pregnant wife, Cho is engaged to a bartender who own a place close to his apartment, and Lisbon, even if she is still single (and doesn't date a lot) doesn't like too much being alone with him and Kim (_it makes him proud in a sick and twisted kind of way- but he hates Kim when she is the one pointing it out)_

Then, Cho breaks up with Blondie, and he is back with them, but Lisbon doesn't return to their evenings as well (_Cho seems glad to ruin Kim's life, and she knows it) _. Kim is rather pleased by this development, Jane tried to seem disinterested (_he isn't) _and Cho it's Cho (_he may know something, but he'll never say it. Not to Jane, at least). _Then, one evening, they are called on a crime scene late at night, and Lisbon shows up dressed to the nines, simple and yet beautiful, and even if it's not the formal dress he saw her in few years back, she is still stunning in her simplicity. And it's when it hits him, and he understands why she hasn't been around in her free time so much any longer, why she arrives on time and leaves when it's time to leave.

_(she has a life, and a man to share it with)_

He doesn't know if he is more enraged or hurt by the discovery (_and asks his "babe" to move in with him as soon as the case is closed)._

* * *

Her car is broken, and in the evening, there's Greg waiting for her outside the building, his youngest daughter there with him, sitting in the back. Before the man could as much as say "hi", the baby girl beats him to it, and she runs to Lisbon, and gives the FBI Agent a kiss on the cheek, all happy and smiling (_and familiar, too familiar). _Teresa takes the girl in her arms, she is five but she doesn't care, and when Jane sees the scene it breaks his heart again_ (Teresa with a blond kid in her arms, it feels like a dream he has tried his best to forget but he can't get rid of_).

* * *

Lisbon talks with Abbott in his office, and Jane isn't a stupid, he can see they are both sorry and troubled. He wonders if her relationship with a married man just came out. He wonders if in the 21st century it's a problem for the agency that one of its agents is dating a married man at all (_and he wonders why it isn't a problem for Lisbon. Such a good girl. Such a faithful catholic. Has it all been a lie?)._ Few days later Abbott tells them Lisbon has asked for a temporary leave, and it's Wayne that tells him that she is thinking about moving back to Chicago and wants to see if it can be done; Sarah, instead _(one night on a double date), _she tells him that Greg's moving back to Chicago to take over his sick father's business, and asked Teresa to follow and marry him- and become a mother for his orphaned girls.

_(He didn't even know she was dating a widower. All along, he thought the worst of her. Or maybe it was the safe option. Because if Greg is free… she could be his, for real, and out of his own life, once and for all)._

* * *

He doesn't know if she tells anyone what's going on while she is on leave, but he gets every answer (and some more) when he receives a white envelope few weeks after, along with every team-member (_it's the invitation for her wedding)._

He reads the words again and again, and that night, he dreams, and even if beautiful ( _a blonde girl, a brunette boy, Teresa in a wedding dress) _they feel like nightmares (_because they'll never be true- not for him, at least). _

He doesn't plan to go- and Chicago is too far from Sacramento anyway – but yet, as the date approaches, he feels colder and colder. Kim feels it too, and she doesn't know if she should scream or cry when she ends things with him (_he has been in love with Lisbon all along; she was just the safe option because he couldn't get hurt if feelings weren't involved)._

All those feelings he had fought against when he has first joined the CBI, all those strange things he has been feeling since his return to America come back with full force, and he wonders what he should do. Breaking up with Kim, facing the fact that yes, he is going to lose her open his eyes (_he is in love with her, always been, always will) _but he doesn't know what to do. Should he stop her? Should he try to move on and let her (_the both of them) _live like nothing happened at all? Yes, he should shout the hell up and stay at his place, not even think about joining her, he has hurt her too much, he is too selfish, he'll just hurt her furthermore, she shouldn't be tainted by his evil and arrogance. But then, it's Cho that shows up and opens his eyes- with his punches. Because it's Teresa, and she deserves more than getting married to a man she doesn't love just because he wants a mother for his children and because she thinks the one she loves will never love her back.

He takes the first flight for Chicago, hoping to arrive in time (_and if he will, he will kiss Cho)._

* * *

He arrives at the Chapel when the priest asks if anyone knows a reason why Teresa and Greg shouldn't get married, and he slams the doors open, theatrically, and walks toward her, never breaking eye-contact (_it feels like a cheesy romantic comedy). _He thinks about just taking her in his arms and kiss her senseless, but he fears for his nose (_and his virility. Lisbon can be mean) _and besides, he has the impression they wouldn't appreciate it. So, he just stops before her, and when she tries to say something (_it's his name) _he beats her to it.

"I'm not going to ask Lisbon, nor beg. Because the choice is only yours." And he offers her his hand to take. She looks at him, and then at her family (_Annie is happy, Tommy as well, but seems to be telling him he'll be a dead man if he breaks again his sister's heart, her sisters-in-law are already half-way in love with him for his looks alone) _ and then, last but not least, she looks at Greg. She lifts her right hand as to caress him, but then, decides against it_. _She simply shakes her head (_her eyes are teary) _and gives him back her ring.

Before tens of guests, he takes her in his arms, and inhales the scent of her hair, committing it to memory (_home, winter and Christmas and Lisbon.)_

* * *

They stop a cab outside the church, and drive around aimlessly, until he doesn't spot an hotel that isn't nor too cheap or fancy. Hand in hand, they walk to the reception and ask for a room for few days (_he is wearing his three pieces suit and Teresa is in her wedding dress; does the concierge think they just got married?) _and ask to not be disturbed- they'll call room service if, and when, they will need anything (_she rolls her eyes- now the guy will probably think they are two perverted who dress up for kinky sex)._

They reach their room, in silence, still holding hands (_Jane's grip on her hand is painful and desperate, and yet she can't have enough of it and she reciprocates it) _ and when they reach their room he undresses, remaining in undershirt and pants and socks (_why does it feel like it's the most intimate thing she has ever felt?)_; she blushes, and shivers and can't breathe when he helps her out of the dress, but instead of getting her completely naked, he helps her in his shirt. He lovers the bed covers, and then, they cuddle together in the dark (_and it's better than the best sex that had ever had) _and they sleep for eight hours straight (_he hasn't done it since Angela)._

He wakes her up with kisses and caresses (_he wants her, and now he can have her. Finally, at long least) _and then makes love to her sweetly, like the hero of some cheesy romance novel or movie (_like in those books she'll never admit to read). _

And it's beautiful, it feels like coming home. Like Christmas, warm and family.

(_Like Lisbon-his Teresa_.)


End file.
